Help!

[Unregistered]

I am really not doing well, something happened the other day with my daughter, and I feel just aweful as a mother and dont know what to do about the situation or where to go from here.....

The other day our neighbour's youngest came over to play in the house, he is 8. He has played with my kids before but outside or my daughter has been to his house. Him and my two kids were playing ver nicely, between my sons room and my daughters room and the frontroom.. then they went into my daughters room, I could hear them playing and then the door got shut. Wasn't long, I had this weird feeling, so I tip toed to her door and opened it to find my daughter naked in her room with this boy and my son who had only his pants off, still in diaper. I held it together in front of them, pulled my daughter into my room to talk to her as best I could, she says the boy took her clothes off and later said "with a weird little laugh, that he wiped her bumb with her clothes" I stayed calm, told her dad and sent this boy home, he says she took them off.
I went in my room and cried and cried.. i was abused as a child and hoped never for my kids to go through that and feel I failed miserably as a mother of protecting her. She is much younger then I was, she is only 3 so u all know.
I took her to my mom, explained what happened and let her talk to my daughter to see what she said and she said the same thing to her Grandma. So I asked her dad what we were going to do about this, he went out to talk to our neighbour who then went to talk to thier son... He says my son took off his pants so my daughter took off her clothes. this could be, usually my daughter that does it first as my son is younger so he is the one that copies not does first. Would a boy of 8 come out of the room then to say the kids are taking their clothes off as boys of that age find it grose, and why did the door to her room get shut just prior to this happening. I tend to believe my daughter as she isnt really at the age of lying yet and I think a 3 year old wouldnt come out with that if that didnt happen... what do u think???

Even after when we tried to talk to her about touching and who is allowed, as best as u can with a 3 year old... when we asked her who is allowed to touch, she would say this kids name, and when we asked who is allowed to take your clothes off, she again said his name... over and over!

I really dont know where to take the situation or where to go from here... maybe I should just leave it as my daughter is 3 and already doesnt seem to bothered and maybe doesnt even remember.. I feel like the worst mother though, that I let her down, for not protecting her... and if at 3 I can not prevent it, well I am terrified to think about it. Will my daughter be effected by this, will she now think its alright to do with other, how do u talk to her, what do u do?

This boy is no longer allowed at our house by himself as our daughter not allowed to go to their house, our neighbours just said they would keep an eye on it, as they believe what their son told them happened.... I mean they are no different then us, they dont know how to handle this situation and the mom was a mess as it upset her too...

my other worry is, maybe this boy had something happen to him and he is copying it, his behavior has been something else all summer and the lying so bad, his parents are having a real hard time with him. my worry is that maybe he has been abused by someone and is reaching out... how do u approach that or do you?

I really dont know where to go from here! maybe is just me that needs someone to talk to so I dont feel so aweful about myself as a mother... what do I need to do??? I dont want to talk to my daughter too much about it and make it a big thing.. and how do u teach her about bad touch at 3, but that its okay for mommy or daddy to wash or help with wiping...

HELP!!

[Mom_2_2_boys]

I really have no advice for you, I just wanted to say sorry that you have to go through this. I would call your doctor and explain the story to him/her and see what they say to do.

[Dawnelda]

I am also so sorry that you have to deal with this for your child at the age of three. And I am also sorry that you have had problems in your past aswell. But I will tell you what I think.

I think that if a child at 3 is naked in her room with a boy at the age of 8 is a problem. I think it is a big problem. If he closed the door then he is the one that would have started it all. I understand kids being curious and all that but I think that this is different. An 8 year old boy would not do that. I think at that age they are old enough to understand that this kind of thing is not right.

The talk you had with your 3 year old was the best thing you could have done. I dont know who you are but i am proud of you for not just telling her to put her cloths on and walk away.I also think that if you dont do something about it your daughter might only be 3 but it could change who she is as a person. when you were talking to your 3 year and you asked her who can touch her and look at her and she said the boys name that is a bad sign. It might only be because you were just talking about it with her and it was fresh in her mind but it might not be and you dont want her to beleive that itis ok for boys to do that. And the boy has problems if he thinks it is ok even if nothing elts happened to have a 3 year old take her cloths off in frount of him. He is 8 he knows better! I think you need to do something about it.You need to talk to your Dr. or call the child help line and they will point you in the right direction. that way your family will get what they need and the 8 year old will get what he needs.
ok im done. Good luck

[skeeter]

That's a hard one.

I think at those ages kids are naturally curious about their bodies and the differences between boys and girls. Your daughter is too young to know that she shouldn't be taking her clothes off in front of older kids. My kids always run around half naked at home, but not when there's other people here.

I agree that the boy should not be able to play unsupervised with your kids anymore, it would make me uncomfortable as well. He should know better...although, who knows if his parents have been as open as protecting his body and respecting others in the past. It's hard to know what to say about sexuality with your kids, at any age, I think.


If you haven't had any problems with this boy in the past, I would try and talk to his parents about how they feel. He could have just been playing. If he is a trouble maker and is doing stuff to act out, I'd keep him away from my kids.

[CareePhiche]

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